I think I am just tired and need some proper time of not being in charge of children. It is weird - when there are two parents you can be by yourself in charge for the majority of the time, but the knowing that the other one is about somewhere for support of some sort is a huge thing. It is making a hell of a difference having someone for me but then my general parental guilt kicks in and I feel bad for wanting/needing that. That they should be enough for me.
The normality of school can't come soon enough. I always feel mean wishing the holidays away, but me and my children get on much better with routine and school dividing us up a bit ;)
What tomorrow is going to bring? I don't know. I hope that both me and the children get a good night's sleep, and we wake less touchy. Then a few glorious hours of being a much lower % mum. I would say of not being mum, but that is impossible, and tbh not something I would ever want.
For someone I have no interest in, I may possibly have missed him a teeny bit. It would have been better had my plans actually happened as then there would have been a smidge more in the way of distraction.
Damn this whole feelings seeping in thing. My moods are far too influenced by it all.
Good mood = housework being done though, so woohoo for that.
There is a possibility that my washing might dry today ~gasp~
(Stray has me on ~ instead of } for a change)
The Dwarf is back to normal, so huzzah! It has been a weird unsettled few days. Don't know what is going on with Boy's mum and I am worried, plus this long without a full night off from the children is starting to send me a leeeeeeetle bit insane, and yes, I know - many people don't get nights off from their children and I am lucky, but meh, how other people's lives work don't actually make my feelings about experiencing mine any different. What is big in my world doesn't become magically less big in my world just because someone else has bigger stuff going on. Does that make sense?
Plus I appear to have been brainwashed into tolerating phone calls, and I may possibly have noticed the lack of them.
But anyway, got to have good normal chatting last night, the kids got up nicely today, and the phone call situation should be finished soon too, so all is good. I have even done more housework.
Must go get sorted to do the pinwheel pizzas ready for when their programme finishes and they start beating each other again.
I have been having a great week, albeit somewhat cursed occasionally, but I am soooooooooooooooo tired. I think I will be spending from tomorrow night onwards curled up in a small ball, desperately trying to regain some energy before Kelly comes on Saturday.
I may not get to go to Derby, but I do get Kelly coming to visit, so it isn't all bad.
The children can apparently be nice to each other if I am sat in the lounge with them, but when I leave the room for 5 mins, they are back to fighting again. Presumably because I am daring to keep them confined to their own house for a few hours this afternoon. I had talked about doing the candle lighting tonight, but I really don't think I have it in me :( It sucks. I know I have been doing more than usual lately, but surely I shouldn't be this tired?!
Ok, so it was without mushrooms, but it rocked. So there.
As did the great company, even if I did get broken so much I couldn't breathe.
Today I intended to spend at playgroup and with Hatty, but things went awry with "a quick coffee with Stray" at 9am turning to floods and general lethargy. I got home about 20 mins ago! Thankfully I am so tired tonight that the infectious cleaning really isn't going to be a problem.
I have Ozzy tomorrow though, so staying home may happen, and there lies the worrying place. Home, kids occupied... I may clean {wail}
Turns out I am less of a moody bitch when I eat more! Raided the children's dinner when I was cooking it, and went from all Rargh about dishes and squabbling etc to calm and peaceful.
So.... arsey = feed me. If that doesn't work, then you have just actually pissed me off and it is your own fault.
Much squabbling with kids today. I think we are all a bit meh. Not done a great deal with them during the holidays and I am feeling a smidge guilty about it. I need to attack the Dude's room in the morning so that Strawb's cot fits in there tomorrow night, but I think I need to take them out somewhere in the afternoon. No idea where. I really need to get better at taking them OUT just me. I seem to need other adult company. I really am not cut out to do this whole earth mother thing, which is weird as it is all I ever particularly wanted to do.
Great evening with Maz gossiping and generally catching up. We hadn't realised that it had been since the end of April that we last saw each other. She has now been educated on the wonders of Repo. We need to sort some sort of Repo fancy dress event, it would be awesome.
Now curled up with drink and crisps before I go to bed and get some sleep, hopefully with less weirdy dreams than last night!
I started this blog when I was trying to find myself, and at a time when I had a lot of deeply personal things happening in my life that my world was consumed by it. But previously, I used my blog for just my general ramblings about my life and world. Occasionally deep and meaningful, but mainly just me.
Reading through someone else's blog today, I realised just how much I miss that, I miss being able to just pointlessly chatter, and I miss it being open. So, what with actually being fairly sure who I am now, and liking her, I think I am going to adapt this blog so it is just my basic chatter. I feel sure I will throw in drabble and stuff too.
Having a few anger management issues with the Dude again at the moment. We've had a chat and he is meant to be coming to me for hugs when he feels is building up, but I know how hard it is for him. I have an explosive temper, and struggle to control it still myself, and that is with understanding it. A five year old must just feel so helpless with it.
I've been doing this scary cleaning thing again today. Stray's kitchen is possessed or something. It is spreading too. I found myself doing it in MY HOUSE. {whimper}
Now on a nice comfy evening having had a bath, and now curling up with crappy tv and fooooooooooooood.
When I started this blog I was totally lost. I had no idea who or what I was anymore, and had realised that I hadn't known for a very long time.
I did some of the stuff on the original list. At some point I intend to go back and do more. I fell apart a bit, and a lot, and have gradually put the pieces back together.
As time went on I became more "me". I got the confidence to do what I wanted rather than just what I felt others wanted me to do. I gradually started feeling alive again.
I now have more confidence than probably I ever have. I appear to have acquired a social life whilst I have been missing ever since finishing college.
I am insanely tired most of the time, but stupidly happy so I don't care. :-)
Currently curled up with a strong latte, teaching my baby girl to say Daredevil "Dardellil". If I stay awake this evening I plan to take a look at the drabble prompts for the first time in a lifetime. I miss writing!
